Saturday, February 16, 2008

The Simple, Tiniest Pleasures

This morning I awoke and I knew today was different than the mornings of the last few weeks. After all, it WAS still morning, and the sunlight streamed through my bedroom window invitingly. After having been hospitalized for much of last week for fevers and dehydration, etc, I spent virtually this entire week in my small apartment, sleeping much of the time, venturing outside exactly once to do a quick errand.

Blue skies and bright sunlight reflecting off the rock solid frozen snow still seemed inviting. In no time, I was dressed and out the door to take a drive to the vet's office to pick up prescription food for my cats - a task I'd kept putting off due to lack of energy or lack of interest even. I felt happy to be able to accomplish this small task, to be outside (sort of) with the sun streaming thru my car's windows. I felt a part of the world once again.

Realizing I haven't been eating enough at all, I decided to pick up some bagels and a few other things on the way home... so what? you might think... so... the store is only a quarter of a mile away from my apartment and I have not been able to get myself out the door and over there. So, it is a monumental accomplishment and I am most pleased. Though I have handicap plates, I decided to park a ways from the store, and actually walk in the sunshine for a moment or two. I felt so happy. Just a few tiny accomplishments, most everyone takes completely forgranted or even whines about having to do, but for me, they are tiny pleasures that intertwine together into the complexities of life.

Thank you sunshine.

New Directions

Today I decided not to limit my blog to just letters to my breast cancer. It's too limiting and i have so much more to say. I've added a little subtitle as a segue into other thoughts and ideas. The moment I decided this, I was assaulted by a barrage of thoughts and ideas on what to write in my blog. Once I dug myself out from under the pile, the decision was easy. I would start with something so simple, I would start with today. So I shall write a separate post now...

Kinoki Detox Foot Pads

Dear Cancer, I saw a commercial for Kinoki Detox Foot Pads, and I thought, well that's exactly where you need to go... pulled out thru the bottom of my foot as I ordered you to do in one other letter, and then thrown straight into the garbage. You see the exit IS at the bottom of my foot, just as i told you. Go there now, I am tired of you ravaging my body. I want to dust off my hiking boots and feel the crunch of leaves (ok snow) under my feet once again. I want to be the person I was last winter -- when i heard I might have to have a double mastectomy, I went out and bought snow shoes (where is that girl and what have you done to her?). I want to be her again. Yes the one who spits in your face, allows you not to conquer even one remote aspect of her life. I can feel her inside of me -- she's pushing you towards the exit right now.. So go!